If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize