it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
