I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
