dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
