Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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