so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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