the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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