So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
