Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
