we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
