If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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