never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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