I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
