True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
