Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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