he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
