i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
