I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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