She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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