I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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