saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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