I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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