hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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