I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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