Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
