SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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