Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
