smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
