i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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