i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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