Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
