Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
