Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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