CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
