I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
