He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
