I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
