I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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