people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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