I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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