alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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