I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
