Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
