Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
