my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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