I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
