This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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