i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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