The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize