The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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