She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
