omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
