my vag is so smooth its legendary
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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