i think my tv is drunk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
