I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
