Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
