I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
