Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
