3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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