After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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